How Did A People Pleasing
MY NAME IS
MATTHEW COOKE
AND THIS IS MY STORY THAT TRANSFORMED ME FROM
MATTHEW COOKE
AND THIS IS MY STORY THAT TRANSFORMED ME FROM
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PEOPLE PLEASer
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PEOPLE PLEASER |
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read my story |
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ENTREPRENEUR |
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My story starts at the ripe age of 4 years old. I was driving to school with my grandma and I hopped out of the car with great excitement for school, bounding up the stairs to, where my friends and teacher were waiting.
Within a few minutes of me getting into class, and playing with the other kids, the teacher yelled across the room, “Hey Matthew, come over here, I have a gift for you!”…I was so excited and proceeded to leap across the room to get my gift. In the blink of an eye, she cocks her hand back, and slaps me straight across my face… It immediately sends a tremor of shocking pain and terror though my spine. Everybody stopped what they were doing and looked right at me… It was dead silent. I stood there with a beet red cheek completely numb with pain. |
I didn’t cry. I was in shock!! Instead, I stared at her, with deep fear and sadness. I was scared shitless! I had zero power and felt so weak I started to buckle at the knees. With no understanding of what I had done or any reason why she was mad at me in the first place… That day I had my first taste of learning to fear authority figures.
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This fear showed up in my home too. I was scared to share how I felt with everyone... my parents, my family, even myself.
What added fuel to the fire, is that we found out that my older sister had bipolar and borderline personality disorder. She was really mean, and made me do things I didn’t want to do, but I did them anyways out of fear of being hit. One time she brought me into her room, and said “Put this on”, and forced me to put on a ballet tu-tu...I felt humiliated looking in the mirror at myself. She even wrote a play, where I was forced to dance in front of my parents and family friends in the tu-tu...At the grande finale of the show, I was “crucified” on our mantle place. Everyone laughed and applauded with joy as I sat down after the play, scared of what I would be made to do next. On the one hand, my parents showed me love and affection for entertaining them, but inside, I felt so ashamed… |
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As I got older, I found my first addiction...SUGAR!
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And… It started to get out of hand quickly. So out of hand, my parents started to notice… my sister started to notice… everyone started to notice... and they told me I needed to stop eating sugar, and that I needed to go on a diet. Just imagine at 10 years old being told you are fat and need to go on a diet. I felt horrible and so ashamed. My mother kept insisting I go on a diet and eat low fat, and sugar free foods to lose weight. I wouldn’t listen, I kept sneaking away to eat chocolate when no one was looking. Until finally my mom said “ I’m giving up on trying to help you, you can figure it out on your own…”
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Those words were paralyzing to me… feeling abandoned, guilty and shameful I felt for my fat body was at a whole new high I didn’t even know existed. So what did I do? You guessed it. I ate as much sugar as I could find! I had hiding spots and everything, I used to take cookies from the cupboard and then place the package back just in the right spot so I could deny eating them… I had to deal with the fear of living in my home and sure as shit wasn’t gonna give up the one thing that was giving me temporary relief and joy.
I didn’t realize but I was eating the sugar to bury the feelings of not being able to have feelings and how I really felt living in my household... because in my household no one talked about feelings or what was really happening. Everybody swept everything under the rug, no one called out the elephant in the room, they just put a nice pretty sheet over it with a bow and I learned to do the same. So I ate and ate and ate sugar… it was my only outlet, it was my only joy and it was the only thing that actually got me the attention I so badly wanted from my parents, even if it was my them shaming me or yelling at me for eating too much sugar - I got something out of that. It was a vicious cycle.
Sacrifice to get a flash of joy...
I didn’t realize but I was eating the sugar to bury the feelings of not being able to have feelings and how I really felt living in my household... because in my household no one talked about feelings or what was really happening. Everybody swept everything under the rug, no one called out the elephant in the room, they just put a nice pretty sheet over it with a bow and I learned to do the same. So I ate and ate and ate sugar… it was my only outlet, it was my only joy and it was the only thing that actually got me the attention I so badly wanted from my parents, even if it was my them shaming me or yelling at me for eating too much sugar - I got something out of that. It was a vicious cycle.
Sacrifice to get a flash of joy...
By the 6th grade
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I was 5’4” and weighed over 200lbs... I pretty much felt disgusting and fat. I needed something else to deal with feeling so disgusting and then my friend Nick invited me over to work on a project we had for school. Not 5 minutes into hanging out... Nick Says “Hey Matthew! Look at this” I turn my head to look at the silhouette of a naked big breasted woman. I had to do a double take… I thought what the hell is that? I was shocked! I felt shame! I felt guilt and I felt turned on!
I went home and couldn’t get that naked woman's body out of my head... it had been permanently ingrained into my mind forever. I went home and felt a little naughty… almost as if I was in trouble or something. But… I just had to get another taste… I knew my dad had some Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Magazines and Mom had Victoria’s Secret magazines. I waited until no one was looking and snatched them up as fast as I could and ran into the bathroom. |
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I started doing my thing in the bathroom and I loved the feeling, it was like chocolate but even fucking better! The problem was I started to feel shame and guilt again. DAMMIT it’s like every time now I find something pleasurable I feel even worse then I did before. I felt like I wasn’t safe anywhere… around anyone… I didn’t even feel safe in my own skin. It was sad...
My days soon turned into the ol routine of going to school having a suck of an ol time… jump on the bus home fantasize about porn… get home, watch porn, eat chocolate, feel good temporarily and then feel like absolute dog shit for pretty much the rest of the night. It was becoming an out of hand but comforting routine… and all because of my fear of authority and having to be perfect so I wouldn’t be in trouble.
My days soon turned into the ol routine of going to school having a suck of an ol time… jump on the bus home fantasize about porn… get home, watch porn, eat chocolate, feel good temporarily and then feel like absolute dog shit for pretty much the rest of the night. It was becoming an out of hand but comforting routine… and all because of my fear of authority and having to be perfect so I wouldn’t be in trouble.
Fast forward to the 7th grade
it’s still the same cocktail of… fear authority, act perfect, watch porn, eat chocolate, shame myself and the whole family sweeps everything under the rug including me. But then one night after my routines had been concluded I get woken up to hear screams coming from my moms room. I rushed to the outside of my moms door and could hear my sister and my mom screaming at each other and getting physical. My sister had lost her shit. Like I’m talking BANANAS! I could hear my dad pinning my sister’s arms to the wall so she would calm down. I was so scared to even go in… After 5 intense minutes she eventually collapsed from exhaustion.
The next day, no one said a word about the incident…they all went about their business like nothing happened.
I thought, “What the hell happened last night? How could they not say anything to me?… It was so loud everyone in that house could hear, I’m sure the neighbors probably heard it too.
Fast track to high school I was still doing the same old routines because they worked for me. It’s all I really knew. I’d spend my days in class being a yes man and being perfect to my teachers aka authority figures, when half the time I didn’t even comprehend or understand what they were saying. But… My teachers LOVED me, and were so confused how my grades could be so sub-par when I was nodding my head to everything they said. Whoops!
I was really having serious troubles retaining information from what I read, my memory really sucked and I was scared to admit or look bad in front of the class or teachers. You see this is what one does when they are in fear of authority and want to look perfect.
The next day, no one said a word about the incident…they all went about their business like nothing happened.
I thought, “What the hell happened last night? How could they not say anything to me?… It was so loud everyone in that house could hear, I’m sure the neighbors probably heard it too.
Fast track to high school I was still doing the same old routines because they worked for me. It’s all I really knew. I’d spend my days in class being a yes man and being perfect to my teachers aka authority figures, when half the time I didn’t even comprehend or understand what they were saying. But… My teachers LOVED me, and were so confused how my grades could be so sub-par when I was nodding my head to everything they said. Whoops!
I was really having serious troubles retaining information from what I read, my memory really sucked and I was scared to admit or look bad in front of the class or teachers. You see this is what one does when they are in fear of authority and want to look perfect.
Eventually I asked my mom to take me to the doctor...
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He quickly prescribed me Adderall to deal with my lack of memory retention. I walked out of the doctor's office a confused, overweight, porn-watching, chocolate eating, authority fearing, people pleasing - 17 year old kid with a huge bottle of adderall in my hand…
I went home grabbed a glass of water, popped a pill in my mouth and washed it down. I waited for about 20 minutes and then it hit my system like a freight train. My alertness increased, my focus heightened, my energy increased...I was a totally different person… I could stay up for a day or two, completing projects and papers in hours, what took me weeks before… and best of all I actually started to feel a little better about myself, I still had my bad habits of the porn watching, and chocolate eating and shaming and people pleasing but I actually felt a sense of accomplishment, taking drugs it wasn’t all that bad, right? I mean the doctor prescribed it to me. |
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Now fast track into college
Adderall was my best friend. I was out doing everyone, I could read fast, I got my homework done fast, I was super focused and could hide all of my issues/habits really well. It was awesome I had a ton of friends, a hot girlfriend and no one knew about my porn addiction, chocolate eating and fear of authority… I hid it well.
Until one day my girlfriend said “Matthew we need to talk” and it wasn’t one of those “heyyyy, I want to tell you something baby” moments. Nope! It was one of those “something is wrong” moments. My heart sank and I immediately started thinking oh no, did she catch me watching porn and not say anything, did she find my chocolate stash, was I being too nice to her??? Everything was going so good! What was it??
She sits me down and looks me right in the face and says “YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE ON ADDERALL” I was shocked! I froze up… It almost felt as though I had been transported back to when I was 4 years getting slapped in the face by my teacher… I felt shame and guilt fill my body and once again one of the few things that brings me joy in life ruined!
I felt like total shit and was carrying a lot of shame, how could I keep up this front and keep sweeping everything under the rug. My problems were becoming too big too fit under the rug and I was just tired of pretending to have my shit together when I really didn’t. I mean I could get good grades, make my parents happy, be the nice guy and make my friends happy but at the end of the day… I wasn’t completely happy, and desperately wanted to be happy.
Until one day my girlfriend said “Matthew we need to talk” and it wasn’t one of those “heyyyy, I want to tell you something baby” moments. Nope! It was one of those “something is wrong” moments. My heart sank and I immediately started thinking oh no, did she catch me watching porn and not say anything, did she find my chocolate stash, was I being too nice to her??? Everything was going so good! What was it??
She sits me down and looks me right in the face and says “YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE ON ADDERALL” I was shocked! I froze up… It almost felt as though I had been transported back to when I was 4 years getting slapped in the face by my teacher… I felt shame and guilt fill my body and once again one of the few things that brings me joy in life ruined!
I felt like total shit and was carrying a lot of shame, how could I keep up this front and keep sweeping everything under the rug. My problems were becoming too big too fit under the rug and I was just tired of pretending to have my shit together when I really didn’t. I mean I could get good grades, make my parents happy, be the nice guy and make my friends happy but at the end of the day… I wasn’t completely happy, and desperately wanted to be happy.
Then I remembered listening to a Tony Robbins...
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Video on youtube and thought... How are they always so happy in their life’s? How can I get to that level of joy and happiness? That night I scoured the internet reading and watching everything from Tony Robbins to Tim Ferris trying everything to learn what they new so I could be happy and live an awesome life, whatever that was. This obsession continued on and I was stockpiling information and strategies and slowly implementing. There were changes, subtle but I was starting to see the light.
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As I graduated from college, I took my personal development obsession to the next level and I got an internship at one of the biggest health and wellness websites on the planet called MyYogaOnline. It was a dream come true, I got to interview all of the big names in the industry… all of the people I had been reading about in college and obsessing over. It was life changing and little did I know it started to lay down the groundwork for the biggest accomplishment of my life. They even trained me how to be a coach and I learned yoga from one of the biggest yoga teaches on the planet. She even became a personal mentor to me. Just think the little overweight, chocolate eating, porn-watching, people pleaser, authority fearing kid was really starting to make some moves. I couldn’t believe it.
Once my internship was up I took that momentum and got a job at en*theos, one of the largest tech companies at the time in San Diego, CA. HOLY SHIT, RIGHT?!?! The company was creating the “Netflix for Personal Development” and I got to spend my days speaking with the biggest thought leaders in the world on everything from health and fitness, to mindfulness and spirituality, to productivity and conscious business. It was like my internship but even better and I was getting paid to do it!
I learned so freaking much about personal development
I generated over 500+ hours of content for the company. Then things started to slow down, that fast momentum coming in and rush I had was starting to wear off. I started to have some realizations that I was putting in stupid long hours, 60+ a week, still addicted to porn and eating as many snickers bars I could get my hands on. I was truly hoping that this job would turn things around for me and I’d find some way to quit porn, eating sugar, taking adderall and stop people pleasing and get the happiness I’d longed for...but sadly, the truth was, this was just another cover up to meet the expectations my parents had for me and now my bosses. My fear of authority had transferred over in my work now.
I didn’t stop there though... I kept going and just new there had to be a another way to happiness that made sense for me. I began to learn from some of the best coaches and yoga instructors on the planet, including Steve Chandler, Ben Greenfield, Elena Brower, Dave Asprey, Marie Forleo with incredible knowledge in coaching and neuroscience.
Then one day it hit me! The reason I am such a people pleaser is because I am disconnected from myself. Meaning when other people are around I get temporary satisfaction in doing what makes them happy because I have learned to put others needs before mine. So I had been avoiding the facing the truth that I have been abandoning my own needs to please others and instead of discovering that truth I buried it in sugar, porn and adderall.
This realization was so hard for me to face but it was the discovery that changed my life forever. Soon after I got re-connected to myself I felt trust in me and felt safe in my skin and had this overwhelming sense of clarity which then lead to inspired and decisive action. I felt a joy and happiness I had never felt before in my life! I finally, could understand the level of joy Tony Robbins and Tim Ferriss were talking about.
Then one day it hit me! The reason I am such a people pleaser is because I am disconnected from myself. Meaning when other people are around I get temporary satisfaction in doing what makes them happy because I have learned to put others needs before mine. So I had been avoiding the facing the truth that I have been abandoning my own needs to please others and instead of discovering that truth I buried it in sugar, porn and adderall.
This realization was so hard for me to face but it was the discovery that changed my life forever. Soon after I got re-connected to myself I felt trust in me and felt safe in my skin and had this overwhelming sense of clarity which then lead to inspired and decisive action. I felt a joy and happiness I had never felt before in my life! I finally, could understand the level of joy Tony Robbins and Tim Ferriss were talking about.
Then! I took all of the teachings
I learned from the coaches, mentors and all of the thousands hours of data I gathered about neuroscience and movements to create a formula for myself to help me maintain this happiness and connection. It was the formula that reduced my bad habits, kept me connected to myself and maintained this new level of happiness.
Here is the formula when I wrote it:
Connection —-> Trust —-> Clarity—-> Acceptance—-> Inspired + Decisive Action
Here is the formula when I wrote it:
Connection —-> Trust —-> Clarity—-> Acceptance—-> Inspired + Decisive Action
Then I created a simple system for myself to activate this formula through neuroscience and movement to maintain all of this goodness.
It was working so well! it ceased My addictions...
To porn, helped me quit overdosing on sugar, kept me connected to myself, I had a massive increase in confidence and I kept maintaining this new epic level of happiness. You could literally see the glow on my face.
All of my friends kept asking me “Hey Matthew, there is something different about you, what have you been doing lately?” Well... After being asked “What have you been doing lately?” so many times finally I said “I’ll show you” and took my buddy Eric through my system and he was blown away. He 4x his productivity while working less, he felt more confidence and was really connected to himself.
Eric then told another friend and I ran him through the process... again he was blown away by the results… And then another friend. and then one more friend. All of them reported back that they had better intimacy in relationships. Better productivity. Greater fulfillment in their life’s. It was amazing not only was I feeling amazing but now I could share this with others.
Soon everyone was begging me to teach my system as a course. I didn’t have a choice. I was like “Alright let’s do this” and that’s when The Supreme Performance Academy was born. I have distilled a lifetime of painful learning, people pleasing, heart-ache, and love into into an action packed 6 week course, that will fast track you through all of the bullshit I had to go through to becoming happy and successfully running a business.
All of my friends kept asking me “Hey Matthew, there is something different about you, what have you been doing lately?” Well... After being asked “What have you been doing lately?” so many times finally I said “I’ll show you” and took my buddy Eric through my system and he was blown away. He 4x his productivity while working less, he felt more confidence and was really connected to himself.
Eric then told another friend and I ran him through the process... again he was blown away by the results… And then another friend. and then one more friend. All of them reported back that they had better intimacy in relationships. Better productivity. Greater fulfillment in their life’s. It was amazing not only was I feeling amazing but now I could share this with others.
Soon everyone was begging me to teach my system as a course. I didn’t have a choice. I was like “Alright let’s do this” and that’s when The Supreme Performance Academy was born. I have distilled a lifetime of painful learning, people pleasing, heart-ache, and love into into an action packed 6 week course, that will fast track you through all of the bullshit I had to go through to becoming happy and successfully running a business.
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OK. This is the part where I am gonna talk to you about my 6-week course and if this has all been resonating with you so far then click the button below to setup a FREE DISCOVERY CALL TO SEE if you are a fit for this course.
Still Need MORE INFO?
Here’s Just Some Of What You’ll Learn In My Course…
Module 1 – Body + Energy Mastery
Module 1 – Body + Energy Mastery
- A simple movement system that will hook you back up to your nervous system: to find the answers inside of YOU, so you boost your confidence in less than 20-minutes a day.
- Feel Energy + Vitality throughout your whole system, feeling connected to your vision of what you want.
- Easy-to-follow technique to ground yourself, get your energy back.
- Clarify a “WHY” that dovetails your Vitality and Your Purpose.
- Understand the neuroscience of your ability to process information under pressure.
- Learn how to best utilize your days, weeks, and overall mindset.
- Uncover your unconscious drivers that are controlling you, and blocking your true gifts to come forward.
- Learn the cycle that’s keeping you in codependent and unhappy relationships.
- Rewire and Destroy the beliefs that are holding you back in every area of your life.
- Ability to recognize and get out of your pattern of disconnection from Yourself.
- Learn a simple system To Review and integrate your daily experiences for more fulfillment.
- Effective strategies to communicate your boundaries with partners in work and in love.
- Understand your conflict communication type and simple tools to use your strengths and minimize your weaknesses in conflict.
- How to recognize and get out of your pattern of disconnection.
- Reclaim Your Natural Rhythms, and find a schedule that works for YOU.
- Have Unparalleled Boundaries on your Work Day, with greater Depth and Passion.
- Learn to Work Smarter, Not Harder.
- Learn a simple tool to strip away all of the clutter in your life, and work with more clarity, precision, and flow so you can spend more time with your loved ones.
- Have all your friends envious and amazed at your presence and certainty in your life.
- The secret to attracting the type of clients and business you want almost effortlessly.
- 6 Content Video Training Modules (VALUE $3000) – Throughout the years, I’ve worked with hundreds of people pleasing entrepreneurs to help them build the internal and external systems for high performance. I’ve noticed they have the same struggles and I’ve caught myself repeating the same things over and over again. That’s why I pre-recorded all the main lessons to get started as quickly as possible.
- 6 Private Group Q/A Calls (VALUE $1200+)- We’ll get a weekly group call for you to get some personal attention and get your questions answered.
- 6 Movement Videos (VALUE $600) - You’ll learn the neuroscience based method I’ve been teaching to my clients for over 8 years now. My clients get what they call “clarity on demand” when they use these movement practices. We’ll train your nervous system to gain immediate access to your unconscious genius, where all the answers are. All of my clients see immediate and MASSIVE breakthroughs their business, relationships and bodies.
- 6 Visualizations (VALUE $600) – Each module comes with a neuroscience-based meditation to visualization to continue to integrate the information and contents into your being.
- The Supreme Performance Academy Private Facebook Group (VALUE $2000+)- Private Facebook Group to connect with other powerful individuals and couples who are committed to creating extraordinary productivity, lifestyle, and ask me any question in between the weekly calls. I’ll will answer within 48 business hours. (Extremely Valuable if a question or conflict arises and you need SPECIFIC GUIDANCE).
- Integration Call (VALUE $500)- At the end of the course, you’ll get a complimentary 45 minute call with either me, or one of my rockstar certified Supreme Performance Coaches to answer any final questions, and have you powerfully moving forward from the course.
Here’s What Everyone Is Saying About The Supreme Performance Academy:
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I can't even call them trainings... more like awakenings! Are what retrieved my "must do all the things!" Massive action failing head OUT of my ass. He taught me to realign my mind body and spirit and be purposely productive, perfectly productive, utilizing my own intution. (Which I legit never though was possible cause I thought my intuition was out to get me and needed to be ignored but he taught me to repair connection with my body and BAM... there it was waiting for me.
-Adhri Kent |
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My performance "has" gone up since working on these things, like 0-100. What I've found is that once you feel safe and your nervous system relaxes a bit more... you can perform at a whole new level.
#freedom -Eleni Johnson All my life I was brought up to be ashamed, afraid and constantly protecting my identity, Now, I'm allowing myself to feel my feelings.
This course made me be authentically ME. I'm done faking and saying yes when I mean no, or saying sorry, or I apologize when I don't mean them. I'm allowing my self to explode with authenticity. I'm allowing myself to BE ME. This course gave me permission to be who I want. To do what I want. To just be who I am. -Thabit Al-Khateeb |
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I couldn't imagine a better training, or a better mentor for high performers looking to avoid or reduce burnout. Matthew Cooke is a stone savage who knows what he is talking about.
-Dave Gieselman |
This program is invitation only which means you need to apply to see if you qualify.
We’ll need to have a conversation about your goals, struggles, and your current situation. If it seems like a fit at that point and you are clear about how everything works, only then will you be invited to join the program.
We’ll need to have a conversation about your goals, struggles, and your current situation. If it seems like a fit at that point and you are clear about how everything works, only then will you be invited to join the program.
P.S. I forgot to tell you the best part about my story… After I quit all of my bad/habits addictions and launched my business... I met the girl of my dreams Amanda.
Isn’t she beautiful!?!?!
This is us getting Married...
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I asked her to marry me and she said...
That's me kissing her ;)
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That’s all for now, sending you epic love and light,
Matthew Thomas Cooke
CEO - The Supreme Performance Academy
P.S.S. Seriously sign up for the call.
Matthew Thomas Cooke
CEO - The Supreme Performance Academy
P.S.S. Seriously sign up for the call.